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No human relationship is perfect. Unfortunately some women have experienced verbal, emotional and or physical abuse in their current or past relationships. Abuse happens in all social classes, neighborhoods and professions. No woman deserves to be abused. Abuse hinders her and her children’s spiritual and emotional growth. It is common to deny or not recognize what may be happening. Below is a checklist that may help you clarify your situation.
How Safe Is Your Relationship?
The following checklist will help you determine if you are in an abusive relationship.
- Do you accept blame for everything that goes wrong in the relationship/family?
- Do you “walk on eggshells,” watch what and how you say things, avoid concerns, not knowing how your spouse will react?
- Do you constantly try to get your spouse’s approval, turning yourself inside out trying to meet their ever- changing demands?
- Have you given up interests, activities, family or friends that once were important to you to appease or avoid his anger?
- Is your life based on trying to please your spouse so as to avoid his wrath, anger, disapproval or ridicule?
- Have you let go of or stopped expressing your opinions, needs, attitudes, hopes and dreams because the arguments or put-downs aren’t worth the pain?
- Is your spouse relentlessly critical of you, always finding fault?
- Is your spouse jealous, suspicious or possessive of whom you see, talk to, go out with or spend time with?
- Does your spouse blame you or other people for all his failures and shortcomings?
- Does your spouse say you are too sensitive, or overreacting if you get upset when he attacks you?
- Do you constantly tell the children to be careful or quiet so they won’t upset and get in the way of daddy?
- Are you ignored, punished with silence, walked away from, or do they refuse to talk to you, pulling away for hours or days? Then, suddenly act like nothing happened and don’t want to talk about “it?”
- Have you been pushed, thrown down, bumped, slapped, hit or otherwise painfully touched by your spouse/partner?
- Are you intimidated/controlled by objects thrown, slammed door/drawers, gestures, or postures and threats by your spouse?
- Does your spouse constantly criticize family/friends, to the point that you are becoming increasingly isolated to avoid the negative disapproval?
- Is your spouse charming in public but without warning launches into a tirade when alone, making you feel crazy?
- Does your spouse belittle your accomplishments, your sexuality, feelings or needs, or your parenting, spiritual life or spousal role?
- Are you the only one who sees the hurtful, angry side of your spouse and don’t think anyone will believe you?
- Does your spouse withhold money, spend irresponsibly, run up credit card debt, without your knowledge and leave you to deal with the creditors and shortage or essentials, like food?
If you answered ‘yes’ to seven or more of these questions, you and your marriage are at risk. God grieves in the midst of the pain that abuse brings– there is hope for change!
Many resources are available to you, such as, this support group, counseling, shelters, print material, and confidential phone support. We are here to help you. Call us or one of the crisis lines below for assistance.
- For this Support Group, call 425-895-5936, ext. 678. You can leave a confidential message and how we can return your call. Or e-mail supportgroups@occ.org .
- Overlake Christian Church Biblical Counseling office 425-895-5923
- 911 . ( Redmond, Kirkland and Bellevue have trained domestic violence unit to help you.)
- Eastside Domestic Violence Crisis Line 1-800-827-8840
- King County Crisis Line (206) 461-3222
- National Domestic Violence Crisis Line 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Have you been struggling with the effects of sexual abuse? Would you like to be free from your pain and grow closer to God? The Secret Tears support group helps you begin the journey of healing from sexual abuse.
“A powerful yet fragile gift from God is wrapped up in the people in your group. It is essential to be connected to people while you take this journey into the past and present effects of your abuse. It is essential, not just because you will need support along the way, but also because you have so much to give.” The Wounded Heart
“I was raped. I was 13 years old and when my parents found out they did nothing. So I kept the secret inside and began to follow in their footsteps; I drank to make the pain go away. I felt like I was in box yelling and screaming to get out, but no one heard me. Slowly I stopped asking for help. Then I came to the point where I felt completely alone. I could not talk about the rape with anyone because I felt so much shame; if God loved me then where was he? Why would he allow me to continue going through this pain? I still struggle with those questions, but I learned that the only way to begin the process of healing is to truly and completely turn my life over to God. It is a daily struggle. And you can only make it through by having other people around you who understand the effects and daily struggles of sexual abuse.”
“I found out that I had been verbally and visually sexually abused while reading Dan Allender’s book The Wounded Heart. This discovery was shocking, but it explained a lot of the symptoms I had which included but were not limited to perfectionism, binge eating disorder, forgetfulness of my past, mood swings, very low self-esteem, distorted body image, and relationship issues.
As I read the book, I learned about the terrible damage caused by this past experience and I became aware for the first time of the pain I experienced as a child and was still experiencing in my adult life. Working through The Wounded Heart workbook I have become more aware of myself and of my feelings. I have learned there is hope for me and have started taking responsibility for my life and making real changes. I am not alone though; God has been part of my healing process and is guiding me towards complete healing. With the women in this group I was able to share my story, my pain, and my victories, and in going through this process, my healing will be complete.”
Secret Tears is a group that will help women begin healing from the shame, the loneliness, and the fear so closely associated with being sexually abused. Secret Tears utilizes The Wounded Heart by Christian psychologist Dr. Dan Allender. To join Secret Tears, or if you have any questions please contact Michelle and Janeth at secrettears@live.com.
Have you lost a spouse, child, parent, sibling or close friend? Losses like these can seem devastating. There is hope and reasons for optimism. The leaders of GriefShare have experienced the loss of someone close and understand your deep pain.
This can be a confusing time when you feel isolated and have questions about things you’ve never faced before. Resist the temptation to isolate and join GriefShare.
The GriefShare group meets weekly to help you face these challenges and move toward rebuilding your life. Each week there is a time for information, with discussion and encouragement following. There are also tools to help you during the week.
GriefShare is for people grieving the death of a loved one. There are many other life situations that bring deep grief, but they are not addressed in this group. Please contact supportgroups@occ.org to connect with a group or for more information
Divorce Recovery is a support group for divorced men and women or those who are going through a divorce. We provide a safe place: to discuss the pain and gain support, to become healthy and whole again and to discover God’s great love. The issues of divorce are many but the leaders are special people have been where you are. You will feel the love and support so often lacking in the church today. DR meets at Overlake Church on Monday evenings at 7:00 pm in Orchestra Room. Call 425-895-5923 or email us at supportgroups@occ.org for more information.
  Job Support provides assistance for unemployed or underemployed individuals by helping with resume preparation, interviewing techniques, job search tools, and encouragement for people going through the job search process. Job Support meets at Westminster Chapel on Thursday evenings, at 7:00 pm in room #304. Additional information may be obtained via Job Support Line at 425-562-8028.
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